I know this is difficult but you really need to know what’s going on with him and the only way to find out is to talk. His refusal to be intimate with you in the way he knows you need is cruel and very damaging to your self esteem. It seems like he has resentment issues and you also seem to have a lot of resentment which I suspect you haven’t shared with him but which probably manifest in many different ways, fuelling his resentment further. The only way to get out of this vicious circle is to talk about it and decide if what you’ve got is worth saving.