I realized how terribly judgemental my first repsonse seemed which is why I edited it. I’m sorry you had to see the whole thing. The last thing I wanted to do was cause you more distress. It seems like you’ve done a lot of soul searching which is something many people never do and I’m glad you’re healing and learning to forgive yourself. The main thing I wanted to express was my admiration for sharing your experiences on a public forum which opens you up to a lot of judgement (from people like me) and also a lot of projected anger and hurt from estranged children.