I’m really sorry for your loss and the fact that your mother couldn’t give you the love and acceptance you deserve. I wonder if the reason she avoided you in the last months of her life was because she couldn’t handle the guilt and shame of being such a toxic parent. Deep down she must have had some glimmering about this, and she seemed completely incapable of acknowledging, let alone dealing with these emotions. I hope you can find peace and healing as you work through your own feelings about this difficult relationship.